“Your life changes when you have a baby”
My wife and I have heard this every other day since the day we announced that she’s pregnant. No doubt, our life did change. And so far it has been wonderful.
A lot of our coworkers have also become new parents within the past year or two. Almost everybody says that there are many trying times and challenging moments, but it’s totally worth it. They also said that we will quickly forget about what life was like for us in the recent past.
“What did I used to do with all of my time? I used to think I was busy!” This seems to be a common sentiment among new parents.
A few weeks ago, some of our coworkers suggested that we write down what our life is currently like so that we would have some memory of it in the future.
So I decided to their suggestion to heart. Below is what a typical day looks like…
[This was written before our baby was born]
A typical work day schedule
- 530: Wake up. Sometimes snooze for 10 minutes. Do a set of 50 push ups and 50 sit ups. Stretch a little bit. Brush my teeth. Get dressed (usually it’s a t-shirt and jeans or basketball shorts from my minimal wardrobe). I generally don’t eat breakfast because I practice intermittent fasting.
- 600: Drive to work. I usually listen to NPR or Spanish radio on the commute to work. I generally arrive at 625 so I can change into more appropriate work attire (scrubs).
- 630 to 1430: This is a typical 8 hour shift for me at work. Once a week or so, I will do a 10 or 12 hour shift. (I don’t do the dreaded 24 hour shifts anymore, thank goodness.) Some days I am doing anesthesia, while other days I am performing procedural injections as a pain specialist. I generally eat lunch in a 30 minute period between 1100 and 1200. Lunch is catered to me at no additional out-of-pocket cost to me, and I try to get the healthiest plant-based option which is usually a salad. If there is downtime at work, I might read the news, blogs, or go on social media.
- 1500 to 1630: After work, I usually go to the gym. I mainly just lift weights since I am not a fan of cardio. Plus, I think high intensity interval weight lifting is more enjoyable and time efficient than cardio. On days in which I have a 10 or 12 hour shift, I skip the gym and go straight home.
- 1630: I go home and take the dog out for a walk and potty relief.
- 1700: Relax at home and catch up on news, blogs, reading, etc. until my wife comes home at 1730.
- 1730 to 1830: Usually I help my wife cook and prepare dinner. Other times, she does all the cooking while I just take pictures of the food so that I can post them on Instagram. Sometimes I try to write blog entries. Rarely we will eat out.
- 1830 to 1930: We eat dinner and talk about our day. Our meals almost exclusively consist of inexpensive, simple plant-based meals prepared at home. Social media and electronics are generally minimized as we try to take our time to eat mindfully without distraction.
- 1930 to 2100: Free time for whatever. Most of the time we are relaxing and talking to each other. Sometimes we read and sometimes we watch YouTube or TV. Other times we run errands. Nowadays, I spend some of this time on the blog and on social media. In general though, we try to limit social media. At some point, I wash the dishes.
- 2100 to 2200: We generally wind down to go to bed. Electronic devices are put in airplane mode (I’m never on call) and stowed far away from the bed (to reduce potential hazardous EMF pollution while we sleep). Sometimes I stretch and do planks. At the beginning of the year, I challenged myself to do posture exercises and meditate for 10 minutes at some point before going to bed.
- 2200: Sleep. I try to get about 7 hours of quality of sleep.
Of course I don’t follow the above schedule to the tee; but it is more or less what a typical day does look like.
Weekends
Weekends are completely variable. Twice a month, I’ll work an 8 hour shift and that weekend day would look similar to a typical work day. My wife never has to work on the weekends. In fact, she telecommutes one day a week and even takes a regular day off every other week. So she really only goes into the office 3.5 days a week.
When I am not working, our weekends are either spent relaxing at home or hanging out with family and friends.
[Fastforward to today…]
How did our life change so far?
Pretty much everything changed.
Since our baby’s birth, I haven’t gone to the gym at all. Not even once. My various challenges (posture exercises, nightly meditation, 50 push ups and sit ups) have been totally neglected. And what about quality sleep? Yeah, not much of that either. But we are still maintaining a healthy diet. And at least I am still brushing my teeth ;).
But in all seriousness, It’s not that bad. And it’s definitely not as bad as I had thought it would be. So far, our baby is doing a good job of eating, pooping, and sleeping. And hopefully she continues to have an easy temperament.
I’m currently on paternity leave for another week. But when I go back to work, I’m going to try to incorporate everything I use to do into my schedule again. And I’m sure most of my free time at home will be spent hanging out with our baby.
What else will change?
1. No more eating out whenever and wherever we want
Having a baby would make it tougher to eat out. Luckily, we barely eat at restaurants anymore, so maybe it’s not something we will miss.
2. Everything will revolve around the baby’s schedule
I hear this is common. Our schedule already revolves around breastfeeding. In a few years, I’m sure our schedule will revolve around nap times. From what I hear, it takes longer to do just about everything because babies follow their own schedule.
3. Less time for each other as a couple
Since our baby is now a top priority, it’s inevitable that we will spend less time and attention on each other. This might be tough to get used to, but we will adjust accordingly. As long as we continue to communicate our love with empathy and patience, I think we should be fine.
4. Traveling will be harder
My wife and I love to travel; and that’s not going to change. But we acknowledge it will be very different with kids.
Even traveling around town to go to the supermarket or to see the grandparents could be an ordeal. We will have to bring spare diapers and strap our baby into a car seat every time we go somewhere.
5. Vacation habits will change
International travel will be very different. We were so used to packing extremely light, bringing only carryon luggage, and getting away with our minimalist lifestyle while abroad. Now that we have a baby, I am certain we will have to check something in. Maybe a stroller and a car seat. Probably extra diapers and other baby-related paraphernalia.
And forget about traveling first class to romantic getaways like Santorini, Bora Bora, Maldives, and Koh Samui. Now we’ll have to plan our trips around kid-friendly destinations. Travel hacking with kids is a totally different ballgame.
All of my colleagues say that the best time to travel with a baby is between 6 and 12 months. At that age, babies are old enough to have a regular sleeping schedule, yet young enough to stay still (and not be so mobile to the point of running around everywhere).
In September (when baby is 6 months old), we are going to Orlando. We will be meeting up with my best friend so that we can take our kids to Disney World. I’m also going to FinCon so that I can hang out with some really cool people.
In October we want to take an international trip with our baby girl. So far, we are thinking of taking a road trip through the French countryside. We’ve done it before as a couple, and both my wife and I agree that it was one of our favorite trip. It seems like it would be perfect for a kid friendly vacation. Speaking of international trips, I need to start applying for our baby’s passport…
Final thoughts
I’m sure our life will change even more than we had imagined.
Maybe one day, some time in the future, we will look back and say: “Our life sure was a lot of fun before we had kids; but having kids is so awesome… why didn’t we do it sooner?!?!”
Maybe.
I’m sure years from now you will be glad to have this to look back on. It will definitely be interesting to see how things continue to change and evolve through different life periods too, newborn, toddler, middle school, teenage years, etc. Congrats again, and good job keeping up with the healthy diet. If there were only one thing you ‘used to do’ to hold onto, that’s a good one to pick. 🙂
Yes, it will definitely be interesting to see how things change an evolve with different life periods. To make it even more interesting, the world itself is changing and evolving at a rapid pace. I’m sure there will be many things that my young children will have to teach me!
And I agree that maintaining a healthy diet is a good one to pick. They say (or maybe I’m just saying this) that health and fitness is 80% diet and 20% exercise. So if I keep eating healthy, maybe I won’t have to exercise 😉
Oh how I miss those carefree, peaceful days pre-kids. Now with two boys, it’s loud, chaotic, and wonderful. Wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
“Loud, chaotic, and wonderful.” Something I’m looking forward to 🙂
I found traveling is just a matter of planing my kids were to Hong Kong and China at age 1 and 3.
I’m going to suggest a couple things. Learn to sign. We taught our kids to sign. One wasn’t that interested but the other one had a 80 word vocabulary by the time she was 18 mos and could carry on complete conversations. She even made up her own signs and taught them to us. The other one was oppositional to signing unless she wanted something.
I used an operant technique to manage acting out. I used a rubber band on the wrist and snapped it. After about 2 snaps I never had to snap them for the rest of their childhood. I would just place the rubber band on their wrist or I would just put the rubber band on my wrist and show it to them. No words needed to be spoken. I thanked them for their behavior to reinforce good behavior, even with a treat. My kids were never noted to be on the grocer’s aisle rolling around screaming.
Every baby looses their mind at 5:00 pm It’s a rule. Vertical rocking helps.
I started a UGTM for my kids pretty much as soon as I got them. All stocks, one single principal payment. The money tripled over 18 years and I doled it out over 4 years while it continued to grow. It paid for virtually everything college not included in the educational fund like summer abroad, a trip to Italy, trips for vaca like California, clothes etc. My final purchase was a car for my kid to start her post college life. They had very little encroachment on my cash flow even though I was retired. Over 60% of their spending was earned interest and the UGTM once they are 18 is taxed at their rate. The down side is at 18 it’s their money. My solution was to not tell them, but just use the money for their benefit over the 4 years. If I’d gotten really aggressive I wish I would have purchased about 50K of BRK.B. It throws off no trace tax consequences like dividends. I’d tell em about it at age 50 or on my death bed. “Hey by the way here is a 5 million dollar retirement for you 99% of it is interest….” This was the single smartest thing I did, beyond funding tuition and housing etc. I didn’t get into medicine till I was 30 so I needed to plan just in case the widow-maker got me.
You already saw my post on homeschooling.
How have kids changed my life? My kids are so totally cool, I could easier list how they haven’t changed my life.
One thing I forgot is a backpack. Do not miss a back pack. My wife used to cook with my kids in a backpack etc even around the house kept the kids totally engaged. I tied a string to their baby dolls so when they threw them they wouldn’t go far. It wound up getting lent out to a million of our friends
Gasem, thank you for all your pearls of wisdom. You are a bastion of knowledge. We are definitely going to teach our daughter to sign. The rubber band snap method sounds like a great idea and I will keep that in mind in a year or so when she becomes “acting out” age. The UGTM is another great idea that I’m going to look into. Thanks again!