Traveling With A Baby Ain’t Easy
Earlier this year I had some pretty lofty plans. I wanted to continue traveling the world and take our baby with us. Maybe we could take our baby to France. Perhaps the baby would do well on a cruise.
Well, none of that happened.
The furthest we’ve been able to travel to is Orlando for FinCon. And that wasn’t exactly easy either.
France? A cruise? What was I thinking?
Maybe I was naive
Hearing stories of other couples traveling with their little ones inspired me. My parents were among them. They took me to Mexico City when I was about nine months old. They were even more adventurous with my sisters as they took us on family trips to Hawaii and Mazatlan when they were as young as five months old.
Even a coworker of mine took her nine month old son on a three week trip to Turkey a few years ago. Now that I think about it, that was pretty bold!
Other people told me to take the baby out traveling between six and nine months. Supposedly it’s the perfect time. Babies develop a good sleeping routine after six months. And you want to go before nine months because they will start crawling, walking, and wanting to move all over the place.
What I didn’t realize is that some babies are better travelers than others. Apparently, my sisters and I were excellent travelers who were able to sleep on the go and were able to eat and feed no matter where we happened to be.
So I assumed our baby was going to be like me and my sisters. A great traveler with a super easy temperament.
But all babies are different
It turns out she’s a lot more like my wife when she was a baby. Not a great sleeper.
Our baby has a difficult time sleeping, especially in unfamiliar places. She is so alert and hyper vigilant in new places that she purposely tries to stay up even though she is clearly sleepy. Perhaps she’s constantly in survival mode. I’m not sure.
My wife and I were hoping that her sleeping would be better by the time she turned six months. But it never did.
Like I mentioned earlier, I had thoughts of taking our baby around the world. Admittedly, these thoughts occurred before she was born.
When our baby arrived, it was quite a rude awakening. Nothing really prepares you for being a parent. It’s one of the toughest things that my wife and I have experienced.
Plans change, but that’s okay
After realizing how hard it can be to take care of a baby, we reconsidered our travel plans.
An international trip was out of the question. Our baby already had a hard time sleeping at home. Imagine how difficult it would be in a time zone that is eight to nine hours ahead. Her sleep would be totally messed up! Disrupted sleep equals a irritable and cranky baby. No bueno.
My parents and sisters were planning to go on a cruise through Canada and the Eastern U.S. seaboard and thought it would be a great trip for the baby. It sounded like a great idea at the time. All we have to do is show up, relax, and have everything taken care of for us. We even purchased plane tickets.
But the more we thought about it, we realized that it probably wouldn’t be a relaxing vacation at all. My wife was imagining herself cooped up in a small cruise cabin trying to console a crying baby who refuses to go to sleep. Yeah, not a pretty picture.
It’s an accurate picture too. We used our trip to Orlando as a trial run and that’s exactly what happened. It was tough to get her to sleep.
So our plans changed. We canceled our plane tickets (luckily they were refundable) and decided not to go anymore.
Staying home
As I am writing this, I am at home concluding a two week vacation. While it is considered a paid “vacation” from a work standpoint, it definitely doesn’t feel like one. I wouldn’t even call it a staycation.
Maybe it’s a glimpse of what it is like to be a stay at home parent.
Throughout the months of September and October I have taken vacation time off to attend conferences and help take care of the baby.
Here’s a few things that I’ve learned during this time:
1. Being a stay at home parent can be really hard
I’m fortunate that my wife volunteered to be the primary caregiver who is staying home to take care of the baby. I love our baby so much, but man can she be a handful.
It’s not like our baby is extremely difficult. She is not. I hear horror stories from friends who have very difficult babies. Our baby is not like that at all. In fact, she’s a very happy baby who often giggles and makes people smile. I really shouldn’t complain.
What I find particularly challenging is maintaining the high level of constant attention and vigilance that comes along with caring for a baby. It drains a lot of my mental and physical energy. My attention span is not that great. And my stamina is even worse. Not all of us can have the attention span of Derek Sivers.
On the other hand, my wife has a long attention span and excellent stamina. She does a terrific job of taking care of our baby while I get to take the easy way out and go back to work. She’s the real MVP and I appreciate her a lot.
2. Babies have their own schedule and parents have to follow it (not the other way around)
Honestly, I had no idea that babies had to nap and sleep so much. Every baby is different, but most have to sleep for a total of ten to fourteen hours depending on how old they are. And I didn’t know that they need to nap two to three times a day.
Everything revolves around our baby’s nap times. Running errands. Going out to eat. Traveling. Everything.
Some babies are able to fall asleep on their own with very little help. Our baby is not like that. And when she doesn’t fall asleep during her nap time, she gets a second wind and is fussy for the rest of the day. Therefore, we always make sure baby goes to sleep. No exceptions.
The baby dictates our schedule. Gone are the days when we could go anywhere on a whim.
3. Packing baby stuff for a short trip wasn’t too bad
For our four day trip to Orlando, the only items we checked in were the car seat and stroller.
Pro tip: Bring the stroller and car seat through security and into the departure terminal. You can always check them in at the gate. Remember those sterile covers that I mentioned in a previous post? You know, the ones that I use as trash bags? Well, I used them to protect the car seat.
Other than checking in the stroller and car seat, we would have been fine with just a carryon.
Even after packing four day’s worth of cloth diapers and cloth wipes for the whole trip, everything fit. That’s 24 diapers in there!
We did not pack a whole suit case of toys or other accessories like a Pack ‘N Play. We tried to be as minimalist as possible.
My wife’s clothes were underneath all the diapers and there was barely enough room for my clothes…
4. Southwest Airlines is great for families
Southwest Airlines is great for many reasons. First of all, we have the companion pass which is an amazing deal. Second, there is no fee for canceling a flight. This was very useful since with canceled our flight plans when we decided not to go on the cruise. Third, families get priority seating after group A (the first group to board). And finally, passengers get to check in two pieces of luggage for free. This came in handy when checking in the stroller and car seat.
Final Thoughts
Traveling with a baby isn’t easy. This is especially true when you have a baby like ours who isn’t a great sleeper or traveler.
Our canceled vacation plans gave me an opportunity to help my wife and spend more time taking care of our baby. It gave me a glimpse of what it’s like to be more like a stay at home parent.
Being a stay at home parent is tough.
In a strange way, helping to take care of the baby makes me appreciate going to work.
And at the same time, going to work makes me appreciate spending time with the baby. Being at work gives me the opportunity to miss her. And even though can work can be mentally demanding, I still have more mental energy to think about her when I’m at work compared to when I’m at home just watching her making sure she is okay. It’s hard to explain, but that’s what it feels like.
For me, work life balance is important and finding that balance can be a bit tricky. Sometimes it’s hard to enjoy one without the other.
Thanks for the inside look doc! I definitely hear that every baby is different. That’s one of the scary things to me honestly! I’m so laid back, so a high maintenance child, I wouldn’t know what to do with haha I’m sorry your travel plans got cancelled. But I bet years from now, when you can travel as a family, it will be so rewarding seeing the world through her eyes. It’s so sweet how much you appreciate your wife, for good reason! Parenting is hard for sure. But worth it, I suppose.
Thanks for the encouraging words, BE! I’m exactly like you, really laid back and easy going. Taking care of babies (especially babies with high needs) can be tough. But you’re absolutely right… those baby giggles and smiles are worth it. I’m just trying to appreciate every moment as much as I can. 🙂
Parenting is challenging, but really rewarding. We have three kids, and travelling with them can be challenging. We haven’t braved an airport yet with all three, but in my mind that would be a nightmare.
That said, we sleep trained all of our kids and by 6 months old they all slept from 7pm to 6 or 7 am without interruption for the most part. That has made our life at home much more better, but those 7pm bed times do interfere with a ton of stuff outside the house. Fortunately, my wife and I prefer to be homebodies anyway. So it doesn’t cramp our style too much.
Staying home with the kids can be a huge challenge. My wife handled all of that while working part time when I was in training. Now that she is back full time, I’ve had to pick up a lot of the slack (pick ups, drop offs, meals, laundry, etc). It’s been a bit of a whirlwind for me balancing everything.
In the end, it has been tough, but entirely worth it. Keep your head up!
P.s. Disney cruises are amazing because of the phenomenal child care… Your wife won’t feel stuck consoling a baby most of the time on those.
TPP
Wow, TPP! I honestly don’t know how you do it. Three kids with a lot of dad duties at home, buying a new home, inventor, a relatively new attending who is a legit triple threat of a great clinician, academic researcher, and respected teacher among the residents. And some how you find the time to blog regularly and post insightful comments (often times the first) on other people’s blogs. Major props, dude! Your whirlwind of balancing everything is impressive to say the least!
Thanks again for the encouragement. I do think we have to somehow train her to sleep better and develop better sleeping habits. And thanks for the tip on the Disney cruises, they look fun.
We raised three millennial kids to adulthood and couldn’t agree more. Travelling is possible but it is such a herculean task that short distance trips or sometimes just staying home is more fun and lots more relaxing. The nice things about children is you have them for a long time and there will be many years when they are actually fun to go places with and will remember the family memories. But as little ones we did not see the point in disrupting everyone’s lives when in the end about all we could do is be glad the trip was over! I remember my wife pulling the car over and totally losing her mind on one trip, it still gives me the chills. She was a stay at home mom by her choice as well and a world class mom whose close attention to their studies got all three their first four year degrees completely on free ride scholarships even though I was a high earner. But a screaming infant while she was driving almost turned her into a psychopath, man I’m glad she doesn’t know who I blog as…cause if she read this, yikes!
LOL! Steveark, your comment literally made me laugh out loud. Especially that last line! My wife and I totally know what you mean. A screaming infant can make anyone go crazy. You want to help them so bad, but sometimes it’s hard to figure out what they want. We are starting to figure out some of her cues and we are going to teach her sign language to help with communicating her needs. But yeah, it’s tough. As soon as you figure one thing out, something else changes and you’re back to square one. Our baby is a determined little girl. She wants to stand and walk so bad, it frustrates her that she can’t. It was the same thing when she was learning how to flip on to her belly and learned to crawl. She is so persistent. And she is very perceptive with changes in her environment. I suppose all of this is a good thing. I’m hoping that means she’s pretty sharp and a hard worker… Maybe she’ll be like your kids and earn a free ride scholarship to a four year college. Btw, that is very impressive and I tip my hat to your wife (and you) for raising such wonderful kids. 🙂
Honestly the first couple trips are difficult but the more you do them the easier it gets. The trip during the transition is to keep the same routines while in travel and keep plenty of food on hand. The world doesn’t have to stop, but you should probably start slow. Ie I wouldn’t start with a cruise or a round the world trip. Now that my little ones are 6 and 3 and have traveled a lot I wouldn’t think twice.
Thanks for the encouragement all the tips, FTF! It’s always nice to hear that it’ll get easier as time goes on and they grow older. Taking baby steps is a great idea. It will also give my wife and I the opportunity to appreciate our home and home city a little bit more. Thanks again 🙂
Sorry that your plans got canceled. Good thing you booked with Southwest so that you can re-book later on and not lose half of your money in change fees.
Yes, isn’t Southwest wonderful like that! Thanks for stopping by, Money Beagle!
Ahhh. I remember the days when my daughter was small. Unfortunately we had some international trip that we really were obligated to do so that we could show her to her maternal relatives in England so we coincided it with her first birthday.
Traveling internationally is hard enough but once you add all the extras that you bring for an infant it is exponentially worse. As I was the male, I was relegated to the role of pack mule.
And during this time things were far more strict with travel. We brought a lot of baby food in the carry on just in case she didn’t like the food on trip. Everything was completely sealed. Airport security forced me to open each jar of Gerbers and sample it to show that it was not some sort of illicit bomb making vehicle. I told them once I opened it, it would have a limited life but they nonetheless made me eat it AND I had to drink some of the milk in her baby bottle that we brought along as extras. Absolutely ridiculous (and I found out I hate Gerber peas).
Wow. At first, it was hard for me to believe that there was a time where travel was more strict. But then I thought about it some more, and realized that your daughter was probably born shortly after 9/11… a time when air travel was understandably more strict given the timing and seriousness of potential threats.
I’m imagining you opening and tasting every single baby food jar and milk bottle and how ridiculous that must have been. I can totally see how everything about international travel was exponentially worse.
Now that she’s older, I bet it’s a lot more fun. Like… going to an Ed Sheeran concert and meeting him in person kind of fun!!! 😉
Traveling with baby is tough. Most of your schedule will revolve around feeding and nap time. And they tend to have diaper and throw up emergencies at the most inconvenient times (like when boarding a plane).
When my kids were younger, we took mostly short flights or road trips. Now that they are older, our vacation time is limited to when the kids are off school. Unfortunately, that’s when all families want to go on vacation so prices get jacked up.
Yeah. I totally feel ya. Taking the kids on trips while they are in school can be tricky. Not only will prices be jacked up, sites will likely be over-ridden with tourists which will devalue the overall experience. I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.
I remember a friend of mine (3 kids, stay at home mom at 21) said it was insane how much the way she “packed” changed. When you’re 21 – you leave the house with keys, wallet, phone and that’s it. Being a parent, it’s like carrying around a backpack and then some. There’s diapers, pumps, napkins, more wipes, cradle, blanket, at least 2 toys, a candy bar, and then there’s your stuff which includes chapstick, wallet, etc. etc. It was like 6 lbs of stuff everywhere you went.
A lot of the time, when I leave the house I remind myself that I for now only need to have my wallet + cell phone and I’m good to go but those days will change.
And I’m talking about JUST leaving the house. You guys wanna go to France with your little doll? Take it easy on yourselves, really. **It is very hard!** After my 6 hour, red eye flight to Orlando…I decided I’m not taking any flights over 8 hours alone and anything involving a toddler is OUT. Done! Not worth it!!!
(Also they won’t remember it anywaysss!)
Phew, that sounds like a lot to deal with. Even the best babies require a lot of time and attention (and then trying to get everything done while they’re sleeping — but quietly) so it’s no wonder you’re worn out! Bet you have even more appreciation for just how awesome your wife is for doing it day in and day out, eh?
We didn’t travel long distance until our son was 3. It’s just too difficult when he was a baby.
I know some people travel with their babies, but I didn’t want to do it. Now he’s 7 and he enjoys traveling.
No need to drag your baby around the world. 😉 There is plenty of time left.
We have done multiple international trips with our kids. First one started when our oldest was 9 weeks. Yes it’s not easy but if you properly prepare for the travel, it’s OK. From our experience it’s easier to travel with younger baby, harder to trvale with in seat toddlers. And once the toddlers are over 3 it gets easier to travel with them.
I commend you for trying! We are too scared to try, so we decided to do staycations for the first three years.
We did our first trip when he was 18 months, and we packed the heck out of our car to Sonoma 1 hr 10 minutes away! There is no way we want to fly with our baby before 3 due to all the stuff and sleeping schedule mess ups.
Being a stay at home is toooooough… 18 months in a row now and I plan to do 24 months before I take a vacation and go back to work. But I will prevail whoo hoo!
Sam
Going to work was always many moons easier than taking care of little ones. Dr. McF, we travelled many times when our kids were young. It gets easier. You will work out a system in time.
Also your “standards” likely mellow when the next child comes along. By the time my daughter care along, it was like meh “it’s all good..”
I was most definitely NOT a poster child for wonderful parenting. But my children have thankfully forgiven me for all my dum dum moves. There is no playbook. Many of us just muddled along.
Traveling with a baby is no easy task but as some have mentioned it gets easier as you do it. We have a 2.5 yr old and have traveled with her to Paris, India x 2, Munich, Hawaii and multiple domestic mainland flights. The one thing I love about European vacations is sleeping. The time zone shift is amazing because your child will go to bed late (~10pm) and wake up around 10am. Everyday on our recent trip to Munich we slept in till 9-10am.
India was a whole different beast but we had grandparents to help buffer the chaos. You just have to change your expectations and make the trip for them rather than yourself. I don’t care if we miss a museum or two because she needs her nap. Food can be a challenge but luckily now a days you can find any cuisine anywhere.
My suggestion would be to keep at it and rebook that France trip. Don’t try to do multiple Scottie’s like you did without a kid. One place as a home base with day trips.
I feel your pain, Doc! It’s always up in the air how our toddler will react to each trip.
What’s that protecting her seat? It looks like the world’s largest shower cap.
LOL! It does look like a shower cap. It’s a sterile drape to protect the X-ray machines that I use for procedures!
We didn’t take our daughter on the plane till she was about 3. Which as you can tell is a huge bummer if you want to do family vacations. For the most part, if it wasn’t within driving distance, we didn’t go.
We did go for a cruise and a handful of other trips that we flew to but did not bring her…. (she stayed with grandma). I feel mean now thinking about how you guys have done things.
I can only imagine what it’s like.
LOL! Don’t feel mean. It’s hard. Babies are not easy. Luckily my wife and I were able to do enough traveling in our pre-baby marital years that we feel fine not traveling as much 🙂
We’ve traveled the world for rock climbing over the past 20 years, but our toddler has drastically changed our traveling (and climbing) lately. I’ll say though that both were MUCH easier at the infant stage when she was not mobile. Yeah they eat and barf and poop, but they also sleep a lot and don’t present as much of a safety hazard.
We went to Greece and climbed for a month when she was about 9 mo old, but we had to find other climbing partners to take turns because having all the baby stuff oit at the cliff was just a pain. However, at least she was small and relatively easy. Then we went to Spain for a month when she was 18 mo, and we barely got to climb because she was so mobile and needy!
I have lots of climbing friends who still cart their kids and all their crap off to the crag or on a big trip, only to get like 1-2 climbs done all day. We decided it wasn’t worth it at all! Climbing outside (and certain types of travel) can wait till she’s a bit older. It’s ok to change your expectations and do things differently for a while; kids change so fast!
Thanks for stopping by, Dawn! And thanks for sharing your travel stories. I’m very impressed that you still climbed with a 9 month old. One problem that we have is that our infant always fights sleep :/